Motherhood and When I Felt “Normal” Again

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about motherhood and myself in that role—a role I deeply cherish and one I feel extraordinarily blessed to have. For me, being a mother is profoundly rewarding in many ways, but (and as I’m sure most moms would agree) it’s also one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever taken on, if not the hardest.

The other day, someone asked me how long it took for me to feel “normal” again after having my son. I didn’t even take a moment to think about it before responding, “Nine months.” But you know what? I instantly knew I was lying to the both of us.

Truth is, I probably started to feel realigned with my sense of self both physically and mentally, including feeling more in touch with my personal and professional goals, maybe a month ago—and I gave birth nearly two years ago! So then I started thinking about why my automatic response to this question felt “appropriate” even though it was in no way my truth.

Here’s what I landed on: We are more comfortable with predictable, known variables that seem to make sense and order of things, and nine months has become a socially acceptable answer. Nine months to get there, nine months to get “back to normal.” But the truth is the journey isn’t linear—in fact, I still no sooner feel I have a handle on things then I run into a new situation or hurdle that reshuffles everything all over again. And that’s ok. That’s life.

Becoming a mother involves continuous physical, mental, and emotional changes, and it also changes our personal identity and sense of self. We need time, support, and understanding as new moms (or as moms for the second, third—you name it—time) to recognize ourselves again while grieving the us that existed before and reprioritizing our entire lives. Often time and time again.